This is one of those mornings in which most of the ideas and feelings running through my brain are disturbing — almost brutal — thoughts and feelings of how messed up the world can be at times. I don’t know why my thoughts and feelings are so negative this morning, but they have left me all but dazed.
My mind returns again and again to such things as the suffering of the Iraqi refugees, the hunger in so much of the world, the general pettiness, injustice and stupidity that people too often show towards each other, and like things.
At 50, I know just enough about life to have at times a vivid image of such things. I can’t imagine the faces of four million refugees, of course, but I can imagine in some small measure the anguish of an Iraqi refugee family in Syria who I read about a while back and who had to prostitute their daughter for food and rent. My mind wanders from that to a conversation I had with someone on the eve of the Iraq war.
He was gloating that our military was so powerful and efficient we probably would not suffer many casualties. “What about the other side?”, I asked him, “What about the Iraqi people, the noncombatants, who stray bombs will drop on? What about the conscripts who have no vote nor say in the policies of Saddam? What about the women who will be raped, for women are always raped during wars? What about the children who will starve, for children always starve in wars?”
At that point in my inadequate little speech he interrupted me with a line suited to have come from one of the talking heads on the war mongering Fox News Network: “Yeah, but that’s the other side. They don’t vote.” Even now, years later, I vividly recall that conversation right down to his stupid, dismissive smile — the smile of a bimbo talk show host, or, nowadays, the President.
My mind has been wandering like that ever since I woke up this morning. I haven’t tried to think about those things. They just keep popping up. I don’t know what the cause is.
I’m grateful I don’t wake too often to mornings like this one. I could ramble on about this stuff, but I think I’ll keep the rest to myself. It seems so pointless how my brain is recounting things I can do so little about — especially at the moment.
Yet, I know it will pass. Outside, a bird is singing beautifully in the dawn, reminding me there’s always something more to life than our thoughts, regardless of whether our thoughts are true or false, good or bad, lite or heavy.
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May 26, 2008 at 8:44 AM
I think it is vital that we allow ourselves open to experience such thoughts and feelings. I think Frankl captured it perfectly when he said “Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to it’s problems..”
Being open to experiencing life’s problems on an emotional as well as on an intellectual level is taking responsibility for them. In my view.
May 26, 2008 at 9:19 PM
I hate those days. It seems their frequency increased when I started caring more about what happens in the world and reading more. So I assumed it was a natural consequence of losing ignorance. Maybe not, but this seems to be the case.
And then I remember the best way to fight these causes is to bring them out for all to see. Some people really do not know about them. And what upsets us should upset everyone else. Maybe if people got upset about what happens in Africa we would get politicians to do something about it.
Anyways, I hope you can think about the good things that happen in the world and take solace in that.
May 26, 2008 at 9:20 PM
’s Memorial Day. Kinda the day for that sort o’ thing.
The thing is, my love: You care. Caring hurts like hell sometimes. But I’m glad you do.
We need more like you, and less like “They don’t vote” man. We truly do.
May 27, 2008 at 9:05 AM
Very nice post. I hope you get better soon.
When this happens to me, the magic phrase that pushes me over the edge is for someone to say, “don’t think about those things” as if your brain is a radio and you can change the channel. It’s almost as if the person is _blaming_ me for being depressed. Sorry for caring.
I hope things get better for you soon. Please don’t stop caring.
May 27, 2008 at 4:36 PM
@ Stephen: Wise as usual, Stephen! I suspect from what you’ve said that it would be a mistake to attempt to repress such thoughts and feelings even when they are both disturbing and so dominant that I can’t clear my head to write about anything else.
@ Thanks, Webs! I agree with you that being able to take some kind of action — even if that’s only to write about such thoughts and feelings — is a step in the right direction and a way to manage them.
@ Thanks, Dana! I very much appreciate your kind words.
@ Leroy: Yeah. How is one supposed not to think about such things from time to time, I wonder? Do the people who say, “Don’t think about those things”, expect to have only pleasant thoughts all their lives? I’ve learned that trying to stop my mind from such thoughts only causes me to go around like a dog chasing its tail.
May 28, 2008 at 6:21 AM
Something just struck me… trying to *not* think, fighting it, is as useless and exhausting as fighting a current.
Sometimes, you just have to let it carry you until you fetch up on happier shores.
Not to gratuitously promote my own writing, here, but I think you’d appreciate and understand this scene: Swimming A Hurricane
May 28, 2008 at 4:04 PM
I think you’re right Dana. The other day, I just rode it out — after first trying to fight it a bit. Thanks for the link! You’ve got a very good style.