I think you’ve offered some exceptionally good advice.

don’t attempt to provide wisdom; help those who seek it to find the wisdom in themselves

try to learn as much from the process of helping others to find their own wisdom as the seeker learns

@ Lirone: That’s an excellent point about not just being there for the young. I think your comments about the pitfalls of assuming other people are exactly like us and need exactly the same things are very helpful. I have to dispute your notion that you aren’t wise — you strike me as very wise.

@ Usha: We see eye to eye on “listening without judging”. There are, however, too few adults who will do that for young people, in my opinion.

@ Shirhashirim: That’s a good one!

To be someone that people of all ages, in all sorts of circumstances could turn to for advice… now that would require you to explore as many circumstances as possible, trying out different approaches and being as open to what comes as possible.

I think the things we learn most from are doing the things that scare us, taking risks and making mistakes. So if I felt she was up for some really tough advice, I’d tell her to go and do all these things. It’s funny how we’re often so scared of things that, when we look back, have given us a huge amount of wisdom and experience.

I think there’s definitely an art to giving advice, too. Listening is definitely part of it. I often find it frustrating when people give me advice that clearly reflects their experiences rather than mine. Of course our advice needs to build on our experience, but it’s easy to fall into the trap of assuming that the advice that other people need is the advice we needed in different circumstances.

I think you would also need an intuition – an awareness of what people are willing to hear, and a wish to give them what they need that is (largely) pure of egotistical wishes to give advice.

At the grand old age of 31, I should probably be applying this advice myself… actually, thinking about it, I feel I’ve lived my life in a way that has taught me a lot. Though I only secretly think I’m a fount of all wisdom… would certainly never admit to thinking so!

To be honest, so am I.

From my own experience, after you’ve become a bit older and a bit wiser yourself, the next step is to be accessible. Share that wisdom. Make yourself available. Don’t preach – that’s anathema, kids are preached at enough. Listen, praise, challenge, and share.

I’ve mentored a few teens who wanted to become writers, and I’ve been floored by their intelligence. So maybe one of the biggest things is to learn to recognize how intelligent teens are. If they say something less than smart, it’s usually pretty easy to figure out if that’s coming from inexperience, confusion, or deliberately trying to get a rise out of the old fart. You’ve got to have a good sense of humor, a lot of generosity, and a fine ability to challenge their thinking without getting pedantic and falling back on the “Because I said so” argument.

You’ve also got to admit when you’re wrong, because sometimes, they’re the ones who were right. You don’t know it all. And if they see that you can admit your mistakes, learn and grow from them, they’re likely to emulate you and respect you all the more.

And you must resist the urge to play the demigod. Just because you have more life experience and information doesn’t mean you’re all that and a bag of potato chips.

A rule of writing applies here, as well: Show, don’t tell. Show you know your stuff, that you practice what you preach, that you are someone who’s worthy of emulation. Don’t say, do.